I hate my life so much

I hate my life so much.

I hate that dickhead of an ex and everything he puts me through. He makes my life so horrible. He came round drunk last night mouthing off for all the neighbours, waking Nia up demanding he wanted to see her (he had left us alone for weeks previous) i swear, i thought he was going to rip the door off. I felt so scared. Then he was getting his parents to call me to talk to him, he tells them so many lies and always makes me out to be the bad person. I feel like a prisoner. The police were called but didn't turn up until today what a surprise, took a statement and gave me a domestic violence leaflet - well woop, like thats going to stop him coming round again and being abusive.

Everytime i hear off him it just brings back all the memories of what he has done and said in the past and it makes me feel like utter shit. I feel like i'm never going to move on in life, he will always be looming over me. I wonder if i'll ever get over my paranoia, like if everyone will cheat on me etc.

I dont want to feel like that, i've been so happy not hearing from him and now all this i feel like i'm taking so many steps forward and then being dragged back down again.

Nia has been grumpy all day as she's been tired. So she hasn't stopped crying or being all over me. I just want to be left alone. I feel she would be so much better off with someone else, i really don't feel like i'm cutout to look after her sometimes. I've been so snappy with her lately, i just cant control her or make her happy, she deserves so much better.

I hate having to keep on to the council about where i'm going to be living. I know it's going to be very last minute which i'm dreading as i can hardly refuse if it is an utter shit hole. I've got unexpected bills coming out, which i'm not sure how i'll pay, selling anything that isn't nailed down. I hate that i've got myself into such a mess.

I feel like i'm worthless to everyone and they'd be better off without me. I've let everyone down with my life. My family wanted so much more for me and Nia deserves it more than anything. I can't cope with feeling this stressed out and worrying so much everyday. I'm turning into a different person. The only people i have are you lot, my friends. My family are sick of it, they've had it for a year now and it has progressively got worse. I just want a new life, walk away and start again afresh, no memories.

Sounds like you could do with a trip to your drs hun.

I know exactly where your coming from as far as feeling like you cant cope with Nia.
As you know my eldest three kids live with their dads due to me feeling like that and i so regret making that choice now.

As for the housing hun its just a case of waiting it out,

If you go to a solicitor you can apply for an injunction to be served on Matt!
You will legal aid therefore wont need to part with any money, At least if he comes round again he will deffo be arrested.

We all go through bad patches in our life but we have to pull through for our kids sakes, and our own of course.
What seems like no end of crap right now will soon get better once your out of the house and away from him, just be sure you never tell him wher you live.

I hope you feel better soon, its horrible to feel like that and im sure your family will support you more than you realise!

And yes were here too

Leanne hugs for you,,,,,,,,,,,, i haven't been in your situation,,,,,,,,,,, bt Jodi has given you some real gd advice,,,,,,,,,,, and i agree go to see your GP,,,,,,,,,,

it will help with getting re-housed,,,,,,,,,,,

different situation bt we were broken into twice in two weeks ,,,,,,,, this was a few yrs back,,,,,,,,,,, kristian totally freaked out,,,,,,,,, thought they were gona come back and get him ,,,,,,,,,,,, he wudn't sleep at home he went round my moms,,,
anyway the point i am trying to make is ,,,,,,,,,, was told i cudn't move ,,,,,,, so went to see housing manager,,,,,,,, and they took my case to special meeting and was given enuf points to get to top of the list,,,,,,,,,,
go and see your councillor also,,,,,,,, tell them the situation is affecting your well being ,,,,,,,,,, hence the dr,,,,,really lay it on thick cuz they don't bloody well care ,,,,,,,

we are alll here for you Leanne,,,,,,, even if its just to have a gd old moan to ,,,,,,,, it helps me ,,,,,,,,,,,, sorry if i've waffled on

hope you are feeling better today ((((((hugs)))))

liz xx

Thanks for that. I'm going to make a drs appt on monday when theyre released.
I've been to see my local councillor but will inform her about the drs appt when ive been. The council have told me ive got a special person dealing with my case, so i'll have a chat with him on monday.

Matt is still being an arsehole, hasn't come over since but keeps calling. He has told me he's going for custody and he's got a £150 ph solicitor. I was totally freaked out about it, until i had a chat with Jodi, who said beleive when you see it, which is true. I just think you know he has a house, job etc but he has had the police called out over him and more. His parents said they would also not let him go ahead with it, as they know he cant even look after a dog. His parents have suggested i give Nia to them for a few hours, they will take her to his Nans on a saturday afternoon and then bring her back. I'm not sure what to think about that idea.

I am having a week from hell, Nias hardly sleeping i'm not sleeping so i think we're rubbing each other up the wrong way. Still going to make an appt though, not sure whether its maybe some sort of anxiety? Worrying about things which havnt yet happened? Im not sure. I'm not normally like this, i try to see the best but i think everything is getting on top of me at the minute.

I so hope you're right Jodi and that when i move everything will settle down, cos its horrible feeling this bad.

am so pleased you are going to see your GP,,,,,,,,,, is it no wonder you aint sleeping with all this shit,,,,,,,, and Nia will be unsettled also,,,,,,,,,, bt thats not your fault,,,,,,

as for him and custody,,,,,,,,, he has his head up a pigs backside ,,,,,,,,,,

only you can decide about his parents and Nia,,,,,,,,,,, me personally wud be wary untill things settled down and he stopped being an arsehole,,,,,,,, if you in any doubt ,,,,,, then don't

let us know how you get on,,,,,,,,,,, (((((((hugs))))))))

liz xx