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 I think im going back to that dreadful place again

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PostSubject: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 12:41 pm

I dont know how to describe it but i know its creeping back on me and im so scared i find myself crying for nothing and screaming at the kids and jamie.

In all fairness i dont know how the hell im going to cope with a new baby aswell, as many of you know i have got no family to ask for help so its as if everything is down to me al the time and i cant cope with the pressure.

Jamie does do a bit but i wish he truly understood how i felt, but being a typpical man he just says oh you'll be ok.

I know my hormones are raging at the minute but its more than that.

I feel so tired and drained and all i want to do is sleep, Im on auto pilot at the minute i just get through the daybecause i HAVE to.

The last bout of depression i had i ended up taking an overdose and i dont ever want to feel like that again, i just dont know how to drag myself up before its too late.

It doesnt help that i cant get out because of my spd, im finding it difficult getting round the house never mind round town.

I dont expect any of you to help or make it better i just thought maybe if i let off some steam it would help but to be honest so far it aint had any effect.

Sorry to have gone on i hope everyone else is okxxxx

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:15 pm

well i posted on Nm pnd thread today cuz i felt so bad i just had to get it down in writting to try and make some sence of it ,,,,,,,, and to people who didn't know me personally cuz i get embarrassed to let my feelings out and always think i am being selfish and other people have far more important stuff than me ,,,,,,,,,,,, it helped a little bit bt not that much if i am being honest,,,,,,,,,,, i'm sorry i don't have any words of wisdom or some great idea to make ya feel better,,,,,,,,,,,

its like you sed ya just have to carry on cuz thats wot we do,,,,,,,,,,,

have you got another appointment for the MW?

maybe after you have had the bubba you can go on meds if that wot you feel will be best ,,,,,,,,, and just come on here and let it all out to us ,,,,,,,,, maybe it won't build up then ,,,,,,,,,,, or am i just talking a load of balls

hugs Jodi and its not long now ,,,,,,, will the SPD go once you have had bubba?

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:22 pm

i hope so Liz i will crack up if it dont i swear.

Ive silled my guts to Jamie tonight and he was very supportive which i was suprised about,
He told me if i have a problem i need to tell him or he wont know im upset,
He is so right but i just expect him to know im upset which is wrong but i dont know how to ask for help and i hate feeling i need help.

Im just so scared of how things might turn out and i feel im the only one who can make it better.

Im so much better at advising everyone else but i can never seem to help myself.
How weird is that

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PostSubject: Re: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:31 pm

not wiered at all ,,,,,,, cuz you are seperated from the issues and then can see things better ,,,,,,, bt its a bit harder wen its yourself

its gd that you cud tell Jamie,,,,,,,,,, i'm the same with martin ,,,,,,, i just expect him to know ,,,,,, and find it really hard to explain how i feel

bt i don't think he really understands ,,,,,,,,, its like i take a tablet and hey presto its all better,,,,,,,,

i cud say loads of things bt if they were sed to me i'd just think "yeah bt it aint that easy"

i really hope you start to feel brighter and i don't eveny ya none being this near due date ,,,,,,,, bt i do wana munch him

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:40 pm

I think it scares jamie more than me tbh as he has seen me at rock bottom so many times and i think he is scared of seeing it again.

If im honest, everytime i overcome my depressive state the next time it surfaces it seems ten times as bad, not sure wether thats just me or not?

All my friends tell me i should ask for help but they dont understand that i cant i feel worse for asking for help if you know what i mean?

Plus its always been drilled into my head i am to deal with my own problems and not put on other people, that was my moms way of dealing with things.

I saw a shrink once and he asked how id managed all these years to cope with everything that has happened to me from such a young age,
I suppose i had to grow up really quickly and deal with situations in my own way(bottling them up).

I must admit of all the crap ive been through in my life its now affecting my mind and how i am some days i feel i could take on the world other days i feel like a kid who cany do anything on their own.

My own opinion on myself is i think i need more phsychiatric help and possibly back on meds untill i have gotten to the root of my problem.

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PostSubject: Re: I think im going back to that dreadful place again   Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:53 pm

will you have to wait untill bubba is born b4 for any meds?

i think i have been suffering from depression since kristian was born,,,,,,,, bt just got on with it ,,,,,,, cuz i was a single parent i though he may have been taken away from me

then with lucas the stress was mad ,,,,, and kris got worse,,,,, bt still just carried on

so wen i was dx at a diabetic appointment i felt such a huge relief,,,,, and very embarrassed cuz i broke down in tears,,,,, and to me that means i lost control,,,,,

bt now i know its not ,,,,,,, its a strong thing to admit and i just wish i had sooner

we can't always pull ourselves up and do sometimes need a bit of help,,,,,,, yeah just listen to me ,,,,,,,,,, who was at breaking point so many times and wudn't get help,,,,,,,

with martin wen i try to explain he just thinks its his fault and he has done something to upsett me he just doesn't get it that its not him,,,,,,,,,, not everything is about him all the time

so he will cook tea and do housework for a day or so and think he is mr wonderful,,,

well he is sometimes

liz xx
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