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 Whoohoo, first one in here!!

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chocolate e-claire!
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Number of posts : 69
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Registration date : 2008-03-07

PostSubject: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:56 am

Well, im a recently single mum, only been about 3 months!
Me and hubby had been having a crap couple of years really, and last year was spent on and off. We had just grown apart really...too far apart to get back on track. Just arguing about nonsense. He was jealous and possesive. I wasnt happy, and didnt want to be with him anymore, so I told him to leave. Didnt want to put up with his crap, yet not be allowed to do anything myself, without interegation.

I have to say its nice though, and actually doesnt feel too much different as regards to how much I do with the kids. Hubby was never hands on, so I did it all anyway!!

Only thing is, not having anyone to have them, when you want a bit of time out, or to pop to the shops, without 3 kids in tow!! Oh, and for removing spiders from the house. Man, I absolutely, most definately HATE spiders! They give me the creeps...shivers down my spine and make me wanna spew through fear, and grossness of them. And now I gotta deal with 'em myself...OMG!

It is of course hard work, but on the plus side, I like being able to do what I want, go where I want, eat when I want! NO football on the telly!! No snoring (he could snore for england, I swear), and not having to look after another "kid"!

I do still see ex, about once a month, as hes up north workiing now, and things are ok between us. He comes down to see the girls, which they like. He doesnt have them for the day on his own or anything. Im always there as he stays at mine for the night. He comes down by train you see, and has nowhere to stay here. (im prob being a mug I know) He will take them out somewhere for a few hours though, but thats his limit, annoyingly, he'd never last a whole day and overnight with them Rolling Eyes Laughing Rolling Eyes

So thats it really!
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Sarah
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:08 am

I take my hat off to single parents, honestly!

My husband has recently started working a job which requires him to travel 2hrs each way (he doesn't drive but when he does it'll be 1hr)... so he's gone before our LO gets up and he's back once she's in bed so I have her all day.
This is only the 3rd week (and i'm preg) and it's hard work!!! My husband is hands on and has been home for 2.5 months (as we emigrated from New Zealand) so has taken a bit of adjusting.

I think you're amazing for doing it alone... xXx

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Recently moved to Birmingham from New Zealand
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:12 am

Hi Sarah

Thanks hun.
It really is hard work. Its non stop from the minute they are up, till they go to bed. My 2 youngest are just a "double act" too! My babe Ayla (23 months) copies everything yasemin(3) does....good and bad, so im forever repeating myself with those 2 Rolling Eyes Laughing

Aww must be hard for you all at the moment, trying to adjust from moving such a long distance. With your husband working away aswell now, after having him at home, and being pregnant, you got a lot going on eh! hope your pregnancy is going ok, and you are settling here ok. Very Happy

Claire xx
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Lee
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:19 am

I think you're a saint. My husband (when not on paternity leave) works Monday - Saturday, 9-6 and I struggle so much in that time, I am so glad when he gets home. Well done you!!
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ickle_miss_lea
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:52 pm

Hello im in teh single mummy club too, been a single mum to Nia since October, although have only just shook ex off for once and for all! I dont find looking after Nia any different, just once she has gone to bed a bit boring but the plus's outweigh the negatives!
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liz
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:05 pm

i was a single mom for 12 yrs with two special needs boys and yes it was hard,,,,,,,,,, bt also i had no one to please bt me and i cud do things wen i wanted and my way,,,,,,, cuz we all know our way is the only way Laughing

sometimes i think i was better off then ,,,,,,, even though i do love my hubby and even though he can be a prize pr**k at times i'm glad i met him

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:35 am

ickle-miss-lea! my ex still hovering around too, dont want to admit its over, still hoping for a chance. SOOOOOO not gonna happen. As hes up north I dont see him alot, otherwise i think he'd be round everyday, doin my head in Laughing
It does have its advantages for sure. Im finding it lovely. It is just a company thing that feels different. I did it all with the kids too, he was never hands on, so that didn't feel any different, when we split.
Hope you doin ok Very Happy

Wow Liz, 12 years. Its hard at the best of times, let alone doing it all, with children of special needs. Hope you had alot of support. Well done you.
Its great as you said not having to answer to anyone, but yourself!
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ickle_miss_lea
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:10 pm

Oh yes Matts the same and now hes getting the hint hes getting nasty but oh well! Im friends with the police lol!! Im finding money a bit hard, esp with him refusing to give me anything and i know the CSA will be useless after the government have had their cut!
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:28 am

Oh no, thats no good. Sounds like a nice fella.
When I was still with my ex, as he knew I wanted to split, he turned really nasty one night. It was after that night that really set it in stone that I was no way going to be with him anymore....or ever.
But I still need to see him, cos of the girls, so we are friendly, more so than I should be prob, but sh*t happens and you have to move on. Hes good and leaves me some money, when he comes down, so thats cool. Money is very tight tho, I know what you mean.
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ickle_miss_lea
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:44 am

He wont give me any money as he says that he wants Nia from friday night to sunday morning, i wouldnt trust him with a goldfish let alone the most precious thing to me! So obv i said no, and he said a few hours a week supervised wasnt enough! Nias, never spent that much time with him in her whole life! I said well you will have to go through your solicitor then (as i couldnt imagine them letting him have her for that long) and he said, no im not doing that i work! So he says its his way or no way, we got no money and Nia doesnt see her dad! I feel i've been more than reasonable with him but oh well! I would rather struggle than be blackmailed! Hes not allowed around the house, as he keeps threatening to take my furniture etc as he paid for them, the police advised me not to let him in full stop and if he wants them that bad he would have to take me to court for them!

I do admit though, a lot of people pre-judge me, you know 21 yr old single parent, living off government and i just think this wasnt my choice but you know what people are like and it really gets me down somedays.

But ive now started talking to men through the inet! Its nice just to feel a bit flirty lol! I met up with a guy last weekend and he seems really nice, so looking forward to this saturday night now! But im determined not to fall for another dick head lol!!
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PostSubject: Re: Whoohoo, first one in here!!   Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:42 pm

Oh, bit of a nightmare for you hun.
He cant just bark his orders at you, and expect you to be ok with that. He has to earn the right to have longer visits with his daughter. Doesn't sound like he deserves anything at the mo.
It seems like he's just trying to score points. Whats with the furniture? sort it out, does he honestly give a dam about furniture. Hes trying to control, and undermine you, seems like. So well done you for standing your ground.
Dont let him in house, for sure. Hes your daughters dad, but you owe him nothin. Kids adapt brilliantly. If your daughter not spent long with him anyway, im sure she will cope fine. Sort out what you will say to her. Keep it light hearted. she will be fine.
Your not ruling out her dad completely, so dont be so harsh on yourself, we all want our kids to have mummy and daddy, but its not always possible.
He is the one doing wrong in acting this way, and your daughter and you deserve better.
One day, if he proves himself, he can be daddy again properly. He's letting your daughter down, your looking out for her best interest. (((hugs)))

People do judge, yeah defo. It is really irritating too. Its like, walk a day in my shoes first, then judge me.
But as annoying as it is, you are your own judge, and the people you care about and care for you wont judge you, and they are the most important people to listen too.

Sounds like your havin fun on the internet dating! Glad you met someone nice. Have some fun hun, put a smile on your face.
It is nice to flirt again, and think someone gives a dam! get away from everyday agro!!

Anyway babe, your doin a grand job, so big yourself up girl!.
Have a fab night on saturday.

Claire xxx
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