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liz
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PostSubject: feel like sh*t   Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:47 am

god i really hate having depression some days i feel great and on a roll,,,,,,, bt days like today aint one of them,,,,,,

kristian aint gone to school cuz he had not got a clean uniform ,,,,,,,,,,, lucas nearly didn't go cuz they had eaten all the crisps and drank all his school drinks,,,,,,,,,
bt hubby got up and took him to shop and then to school

i just feel like a pile of sh*t today,,,,,,,,, there is loads of housework that needs doing bt i carn't be arsed to get off my ass,,,,,,,,

i think i have had a reality check,,,,,,,, kristian and lucas will be like this for ever and its scary not to ever have my life back just for me ,,,,,,,,,,,, selfish aint i??????

anyway enuf self pittying waffle for today

liz xx
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Sarah
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:24 am

No not selfish Liz, it's only normal to want (and to get) some time to yourself. We can't cope with being mothers, chefs, taxi drivers, housekeepers and all the rest if we don't look after ourselves first... or at least put ourselves first sometimes!

I know it's probably not much help what i'm saying, especially because you've read on another site that I myself have been feeling pretty crap lately too... but vent away... we're here for you xXx

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:35 am

Thanks Sarah,,,,,,,,, your right i know,,,,,,,, bt just can't see it wen i feel so useless,,,,,,,,,,,,

you have been some help cuz we all find it easy to give advice ,,,,,,,,,,, just hard to follow wot we know is right,,,,,,,,,

not to gd again today,,,,,,,,,,,, kids get in my head and then they are as happy as larry while i'm still feeling worked up ,,,,,,,,,,,

oh well this is my life so best get on with it

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:00 am

ww liz i know exactly how you feel my two drive me to insanity most days tbh,
The fact i had depression before i had either of them dont help coz i cant blame them if you know what i mean .
I have about a week of good days then 2/3 bad days where i dont want to do anything and i cry for stupid reasons.
I feel the world is against me and i have no one to talk to, but in reality i do i have my oh's family and my "friends" here.
The days im out with you lot i really do forget everything else and enjoy myself.
So i think we should get our a***s into gear and get arranging to meet up soon!!!

Dont feel like you are on your own your not ok were always around no matter what! Very Happy

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:05 am

you are all so kind,,,,,,, i tend to keep it to myself ,,,,,,,, as i like to feel in control,,,,,, bt i have learned that it does help to put it all into perspective to talk and let it all out,,,,,, sometimes it don't seem as bad then

well kids are upstairs at last now ,,,,,, kris on PC and Lucas on playstation,,,,,,, just my lady down here looking for babies in the argos book

liz xx
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Lee
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Sun Mar 09, 2008 7:25 pm

Sorry to hear you feel that way. I have suffered with undiagnosed depression since the birth of my middle child, he has always been a hard baby but likewise a pleasure to have.

With depression, you crave time to yourself and with kids, especially ones with SN (you seem like a saint) it is hard to get that time. I don't really know what to say but offering hugs. Take any offers so you can have some time to yourself, send Kristian to school in a dirty uniform, if he can't be bothered to put it in the wash/ give it you to put in the wash then that's his problem and even if Lucas doesn't have the right things, I'm sure if you had a word with the school they'd sort him out or likewise take him to the shop beforehand.

Huge hugs, you are doing so well.
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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:19 am

you ladies have me in tears ,,,,,,, doon't know wots wrong with me lately ,,,,,, i seem to be on the verge of tears all the time ,,,,,,,,,,, got to see doc on thursday so maybe my meds need increasing,,,,,,,,, bt alos my sugars have been crap so that don't help,,,,,,

Lee i certainly ain't no saint,,,,,,,,, not with the mouth i got on me

as for kristian ,,,,, he doesn't realise wen he needs to change his clothes ,,, he has to be told all the time ,,,,,,,,,,, this is no joke bt sometimes i can smell him b4 i see him,,,,,,,, he has really bad BO,,,,, no matter how many times he is told to use deoderant,,,,,,,, he doesn't

everyday is the same ,,,,,,,,,,,, and to think i have the rest of my life like this is sometimes too overwhelming to contemplate

hubby tries bt he dosen't really understand

oh well best get on and get lucas to his transport pick up

which is another bug bear atm,,,,

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:34 am

Liz for you to have managed this long on your own then yes i agree with Lee you ARE a saint!!!!!

I loose my rag at the slightest things and when Marc is having a bad day im sure i let the whole street know.

I like things to be calm and peace full and i have got no chance when he starts i end up screaming at everyone who taks to me!

Your doing such a grand job hun it must be really hard.

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:39 am

well just come back from gym and a relaxing swim,,,,,,,,,
kaytlyn is at nursery so no kids till lucas comes back bout four,,,,,,,,

well i hope he comes back ,,,,,,,, his transport didn't turn up this morning,,,,,, Jess is at the same school so Jackie took them up,,,,, driver never turned up for work ,,,,,,,, just another f**k up,,,,,,,,,, may have a sleep for an hr or so,,,,,,,, sod the housework

lizxx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:18 am

What about today Liz? Did Lucas's transport turn up??

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:23 am

well as i lost weight i am mega happy

yeap transport was fine ,,,,,,,,, yesterday the driver didn't turn up

bt jackie has foned transport manager to complain and we are also,,,,,,,
various reasons
1, the escort isn't english,,,,,, while we have no problem with that he cannot speak so we understand him and he has probs understanding us ,,,,,,,, which is no gd for the kids ion transport,,,,,,,,, and some of them are naughty and jess has come off crying and wen you ask him wots happened he just looks and smiles

also cuz the sun is shinning i feel a little brighter myself,,,,,, back to see doc on thursday so will have a talk with her then

hope you feeling more settled now

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:45 am

i feel so bad 2 day ,,,,,,,,,,,, i don't wana be here any more,,,,,,,,,

i don't wana be any where ,,,,,, i hate my life and i hate myself atm,,,,,,,,

how much longer will i be like this

do ya know at this moment in time i wish i never had kids and never got married

i just wana be a selfish cow and do wot i want and not have to think about anyone bt ME

i wana stuf my face with food like i do wen feel like this
everything is such an effort
kaytlyn is on the floor screaming oh wot joy to be a kid and be able to do that without feeling like a nut case ,,,,,,,,, martin just says have you took your tablets ,,,,,,,,,,,, yes i bloody have i wana scream and they aint doing any bloody good ,,,,,,,,,,,, Sad

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:23 am

Sorry you feel so ugh Liz, cant your oh take little one out and give you some time. I know what you mean I could eat a horse when I feel like that and frequently do!

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:32 am

(((HUGS))) Sorry you are feeling crap today Liz.
Claire's suggestion is a good one... Can Martin take Kaytlyn out for a bit??

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:40 am

Aww hun. Big ((((hugs))))

Ive never suffered with depression, so couldnt even begin to understand how you feel.
Didnt want to read and run tho, as they say.

Take each minute as it comes today, the day seems rather long from morning till night, and daunting if its a bad day. Oh and hey, if you wanna scream on the floor with your lo, then why not eh. let it out. Your in your own home, and have the right to be upset.

Anyway, im jabbering on so im outta here,

Take care, and hope the day gets better for you. xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:59 am

Hi hun as someone who has been there i know exactly how your feeling.
Get your hubby to take little one out and let it all out of your system have a good cry it DOES help honestly.
I got that bad i actually took an overdose cause no one would listen to me telling them i hated life!!!!!

This wasnt so long ago either, I still have days where i wish i was on my own with no kids but then at one point i was and i felt worse!!

Liz hun i know depression is shit but try seeing things in a different way................There are people out there much much worse off, thats how i look at it now at things seem a lot more managable.

Read a few BAD books about people who have been through hell and back and trust me you begin to think well if they can pull through so can i

Chin up hun were all here for you xxxxxx

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:21 am

thanks ladies you have really helped,,,,,,,

kaytlyn is off to nursery at 1pm so will be able to get some decent housework done without her screaming at my feet,,,,,,

i do think of others who are worse off tham me ,,,,, as i know there are lots
i am just so fed up of feeling like this ,,,,,, i want to be in control again,,

i want to have the motivation to keep my house clean and tidy like it was b4 kaytlyn

i wana keep on top of my washing and ironing,,,,, so my kids have uniforms ready bt i just seem to sit on my fat ass instead of DOING IT

well am going up to see lucas and his class mates put on a show playing the keyboard,,,,, looking forward to that

thanks again ladies

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:24 am

Try and stay focused hun you WILL get there in the end god knows ive been here for almost 6 months and ive only JUST got this place in an organised state!

Its still not how i want it but its at the point i can cope with it!

Do a bit at a time try not to worry about the little things hun they seem to stress us more than the more serious stuff:)

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liz
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:59 am

not as bad as b4,,,,,,,,,,,, bt feel like i am missing something,,,,,,,,,,,
a part of me is dormant and i don't know how to restart it or even wot it is ,,,,,,,, or where it is

i feel like i am gona cry bt the tears won't come ,,,,,,,,,
and i feel so selfish cuz lots of people have far worse probs than i do,,,,,,,,

i have quite a gd life really,,,,,,, always have enuf money for wot we want,,,,,,,,,, not enuf for savings bt enuf,,,,,,,

i think i have a decent house,,,,,,, not posh or expensive stuff cuz the kids wud wreack it,,,,, bt ok ,,,,,,, so why do i feel like i am missing something

i know the house is a mess bt i just sit on my ass and think i will do it later,,,,,,,, the lounge room needs decorating,,,,, has done for weeks,,,,,,,, the bottom wallpaper has been stripped off bt i can't be arssed to do it ,,,,,,,,, got the paper and paint though

everything is i'll do it later ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, bt it never does get done

well gona have a mooch round town and see if there is anything to buy ,,,,,,,,,,,, just cuz i want it

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:39 am

Awww Liz
I really feel for you im so up and down at the minute i dont know wether im coming or going and its doing my head in so much:(

Go and have some retail therapy hun it might help:)

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:26 am

feeling much better now ......... not so heavy feeling on my shoulders

need to sort out my eating its like i have got to eat and will just stuff my face with anything i can find ,,,,,,,,,, even wen i am not hungry

oh well life goes on just a moanie mini really

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:45 pm

Im like that Liz im a terrible comfort eater and if im honest sometimes i dont even realise im doing it untill its too late and i feel sick Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed

I wonder if there is a medical condition that causes this????????

Well if there is thats my excuse;)

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:23 pm

yeah my excuse too as i now feel sick and stuffed after eating again

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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:08 am

i am off to see doc for my diabetic appointment and the way i am feeling i just know i am giona burst in tears wen in there

feel so stupid too as i don't know why atm,,,,,,,,,,

sun is shinning which usually makes me feel better
lounge and dinning room are nice and tidy ,,,,,,,,,,, for a change
kristian ain't kicked off yet,,,,,,,,,, he will now ,,,,,, sods law
so why do i feel so down,,,,,,,,

i am sitting here fighting back the tears ,,,,,,,,, god listen to me i am always feeling sorry for myself,,,,,,,,,,, best give myself a big kick up the bum,,,,,,,,

going swimming with Jackie this afternoon so perhaps a gd old wallow in the water will relax me

liz xx
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PostSubject: Re: feel like sh*t   Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:22 am

I think your problem Liz is your always putting yourself down for feeling low!!

Were all allowed to have bad days, even if there are more of them than bad!

Instead of holding the tears back hun let them come, i feel a thousand times better when ive had a good cry, even if i dont know why im crying!!!

Its better to let it out than to bottle it up hun.

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Your welcome to moan cry shout scream laugh and just be yourself here no one is going to mind especially not me because i know how you feel:)

Let me know how you get on with your dr xxxxxx

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